Waiting on a Train
by iDEALITYjUnctioN
Summary: I've been waiting on a train that'll never come Hiding from the feeling of believing in someone Come on, come on I waited all this time Rob Thomas- Waiting on a Train


_Waiting on a Train_

You could feel the rain seeping in your shoes, leaking past the duct tape and fabric, wetting your socks.

You could feel it drip through your sweaters hood, sweeping into your eyelashes and rolling onto your eyebrows, you could feel your numb hands clenched in loose fists at your sides. Standing just out of reach of the old fashioned lamp that bathed the barren train platform with light you hunched against the cold. You could've sat on the green benches, perched neatly underneath the overhang, you could've sheltered yourself from the falling rain that made your eyes burn and clothes cling to your skin. But you didn't.

The clock behind you red 11:56, blackness broken only by the bright LED. You didn't dare look as time wore on, you didn't dare acknowledge that you cared. You didn't. You didn't.

_The summer heat scorched your sunscreen-slathered skin, snubbing the afternoon sun you sat on an old dock with your bare feet dangling into the cool salty abyss. Long shorts and tank tops you could stare in the water all day, watching the crabs scurry across the sludgy bottom, nudging them with sticks you found along the muddy bank. _

_"You know..." He had told you, with eyes that sparkled after the heat of the day "I wish we didn't have to go back home..." _

_"Yeah." You had said, your voice was higher than, an eight years old you wished you never had to leave this beautiful place. On this dock and the cool creatures that skittered and crawled that you had come to know over the summer holiday "Me too..." _

_"You know, when I grow up, I'm gonna come back here." He had told you, picking up a stone from the pile you had collected that day. He had cradled it in his hand gently "I'm gonna come back and live here forever..." _

_"Really?" You had asked, eyes wide with wonder "Forever? What about school? And your Mom and Dad?" _

_"Grown upth don't go to thcool, KK, and they don't need their parenth He had scolded you, chucking the rock with a grunt, it soared across the water landing with a undramatic 'thunk' a few meters away. "They can do whatever they want, whenever they want to. Tho, when I get big I'm gonna come back." _

_"Oh." You had said "Alright. Can I come with you, you know, to live here forever." _

_"Of courthe..." He had said, rolling his eyes. "Why would I go anywhere without you, grownups always need someone to be with them, so I have to be with you. Thilly."_

_You nodded gravely, at ten Sullox knew more about the world than you ever could, at least more about adults "That makes sense," You said, though it didn't. You saw daddy on his own all the time, and mommy. "Are you gonna come back here? To the cottage?" _

_"Nah..." Sullox said "I'm gonna come back and build my very own houthe, a big one with a big T.V like my aunt in Chicago hath... It'll be tho cool." He smiled at me "And you'll be there too, A'right." _

_"Yeah..." You had grinned, showing missing teeth and a crooked, childish smile "A'right."_

Your teeth chattered, the cold making your head start to ache and your nose burn and run down your upper lip and into your mouth. You could see the train attendant lying in his booth, snoring against a moist newspaper each shuddering breath making the pages flap.

June 25th

The date on the newspaper couldn't be seen in the darkness but you already knew what it said. June 25th cold and wet in the middle of the night. You had been at the station for hours, since the first train had arrived in the early morning when it was still warm out in the morning sun before the rain began to soak this town. You had not left, you had not even moved.

Because today was June 25th

_It was cold, you hunched down in your jacket cheeks flushed red from the cold and head feeling a little lightheaded at how high you were. You glanced over the edge of the great bridge, staring into the rushing water timidly, it looked cold and black churning dangerously oh so far below you. _

_"Sullox... Why the hell are we here..?" _

_Sullox shrugged, perched on the edge of the railing he smirked at you "'Cauthe it'th pretty." He offered "Are ya scared?" _

_You huffed "No... But mom told me to be home by five, right, so I can't stay too long." _

_"C'mon KK lighten up!" He grinned, padding the railing next to him as an invitation "It'th not tho bad onthe you're up here, and you and I both know your Mom never tellth you when to be home. Right?" _

_"Go to hell..." You grumble, crossing your arms "I value my life, thanks..."_

_"Chicken. A little adventure won't hurt you, goody-two-shoeth." He sneered, you flushed glaring. Two years older than you and he thinks he can push you around like a girl, no way. Not this time. _

_"It's cold." You snap "I'm leaving..." _

_Before you can turn Sullox catches your arm, tugging you back gently "Hey now, don't be like that." He smiled "I'm tho lonely without my KK, c'mon. Jutht onthe? Pretty pleathe?" _

_You glance at his pouting lips then down at the river below, defeated as always, you sigh. "Alright." You say "But if I die it's your fault..." _

_"As always..." _

_You grip the railing and step onto the first railing then the second twisting around so you can sit down next to him, so close your hips are squeezed together and your squished against the cold metal pole next to you. _

_"It's cramped." You gripe "Why did you want me to come up here anyway, I can see fine from down there..." _

_Sullox shoved you hard and you yelped, grabbing hold of the pole like a lifeline. He cackled madly and you smacked the back of his head. _

_"Jackass! I'm getting down..." _

_"Wait! Wait!" He said, taking hold of your waist he held you in place "I'm kidding, really. Okay, theriouthly. Look." He pointed through the autumn leaves, past the river and out across what you knew to be the edges of town. You squinted against the evening sun. _

_"What am I looking at?" _

_"You thee through the treeth over there?" He leaned in close, his breath hot against your neck. You followed his outstretched finger carefully "There'th a light, it's blinking red, do you thee it?"_

_You blink, faint and barely there you can see it. "So what? What is it?" _

_"That." He said far to dramatic "Ith my ticket out of here..." He grinned "The county train station. After Grade 12 I'll be getting out of here, far away, I'm telling you. One day." _

_You raised an eyebrow "Great for you. I can't believe I risked certain death for this..." _

_"Certain nothing, KK" He waved you off "And don't take it tho lightly, you're coming with me you know..." _

_You scoff "Yeah right, like I want to run off with you, you bastard." _

_"I mean it KK!" He said, eyes suddenly serious he was staring at you "Would you come with me, if I asked you?" _

_You watched your best friends eyes, dark and cold. They looked like they could change the world on that bridge in that afternoon. They looked like they could change your world._

_"Yeah." You said, watching the red dot blink as the sun retreated behind the clouds once again bathing the old bridge in shadows "Probably..." _

The world rattled and shook, you glanced up. The world spun as headlights rounded a bend the old track and the whooshing and screeching of wheels filled your ears like water from the sky.

You stared, heart beating so fast you could feel it. Cheeks flushed from the heat of your own blood rushing to your face. Your body shook with more than the cold as the train screeched to a halt you could feel the world stop.

_You always thought it should rain on days like this, it should've been cold and rainy and miserable and you should have felt that at least one person had to be as angry at the world as you are right now. But nothing ever works out that way. Not in your world. _

_The graveyard was almost abandoned on a day like today, warm and moist in the summer sun of your sixteenth year of life the funeral service was so small it could be called non-existent. The whole in the ground gaping and welcoming, the casket cold as the corpse inside and you standing with your aunt and grandfather amongst old flowers and headstones. _

_The priest was mumbling words with his head bowed and your aunt was balling into a tissue. Your grandfather was not crying but he was not moving either, staring at the hole in the ground like it really led to hell. You were not crying, or staring. You were thinking. Thinking about how you shouldn't be this angry right now. Thinking about how you shouldn't feel like this was all the dead woman's fault. Thinking how you knew this was coming long before you had the chance to feel sorry for her. _

_The service went quickly, the casket was lowered into the ground and the two bored looking men filled it with dirt. Auntie went to talk to the pastor, who patted her on the back and spoke comforting words. Grandpa watched over the two men burying his daughter in the cold earth, hands crossed across his broad chest and old lips pulled into a frown. _

_I walked away. _

_Hands shoved into the pockets of my dress pants I stalked away from the dreary atmosphere and out of the graveyard. I listened but no one bothered to call me back, no one wondered where I was. Selfishness could be a wonderful thing at times. _

_"-kat! Karkat!" _

_I didn't turn around, I could hear running footsteps before he was close and the laboured breaths before the vice grip on my arm stopped me cold. I didn't turn around. _

_"Karkat!" Sullox spun me around, eyes alight, cheeks flushed from running "Why didn't you thtop?" _

_"Didn't feel like it." I spat "Go away." _

_"What the fuck KK?" He growled, tugging at my arm "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you call me?" _

_"It's none of your buisness." I deadpanned, staring at a crack in the pavement like it mean't the world to me "Get fucking lost." _

_"No." He growled "Two weekth." He spat, holding up two fingers for emphasis "Two weekth thinthe you called me latht, and the netht time I thee you you're at a graveyard burying your motherth corpse!" _

_"She's not my mother!" You shout, angry tears burning at your eyes as you tugged at his arm. "And what do you know? What do you know about anything?!" _

_"I know enough to know you're a moron!" He shouted right back, his hand gripping mine like steel "Jutht because you couldn't thave her doethn't mean she'th not your mother anymore!" _

_"Shut up!" You shreiked, hysteria rearing it's ugly head "Shut up you asshole, you fucking jackass! You don't know anything!" _

_"Do I!?" He screamed "Do I not know how hard you worked to get into univerthity for her, do I not know how you got three jobth last thummer to get her the birthday prethent she wanted, do I not know how you thtepped in front of all of your Dad'th punches becauthe you didn't want to thee her get hurt! Do I not know that Karkat? Really?" _

_"Stop it..." You choke clutching your head with your free hand, tears were threatening you stabbing and biting and you couldn't stop them before they spilled out over your cheeks and down your neck. "Stop it... It hurts..."_

_You heard Sullox sigh quietly, a shuddering breath of relief he pulled you close burrowing you into his jacket. "I know..." He whispered "I know you idiot..." _

_You stay like that for a long time, his fingers digging into you but you can hardly feel them anymore, your shoulders are heaving with your tears. Your head is fuzzy but you can't feel the anger anymore, all you can feel is sadness. All you can hear is Sullox's breathing. _

_"Get a room, filthy faggots!"_

_ You feel Sullox jump and you push away from him sucking in a breath. The shout came from a passing car and Sullox flashes them the bird before looking down at you through nervous eyes. "Let'th get out of here." Sullox said, forcing one hand in his pocket and holding the other one out to you. An invitation. _

_Gripping his hand you let him drag you away from the graveyard haphazardly you wipe your eyes. He glances back at you before slowing down to wipe your cheeks for you with his sleeve. _

_"Goddamn..." He grumbles "One day... One day I'm getting the hell out of here. One day. Fuck, this town is poison. Really... Fucking poison..." _

_He glances back at you eyes full of something you've never seen before. "You're still coming with me, right?" _

_You shrug, squeezing his hand "Yeah..." You say the first smile in weeks breaking open your lip "Definately..." _

The whistle sounded, shrill and high. You couldn't breath, you couldn't move. All you could see was the steam rising through the cold February air.

The doors slid open.

_It's raining. _

_Cold and wet you and Sullox stand under the awning, sheltered from the raging storm and the lack of activity on the platform. Everyone is either under the awning or huddled beside heaters the train station. Shivering and cold they wait for their passage to the city, their ticket out. _

_Not you, you stand close to your best friend in silence. The clock reads 4:50, his ticket reads 5:00. Your head is heavy with pain and the crying you did the night before, you didn't tell him but you knew he knew, you could see it in his eyes. _

_"Hey..." You look up, Sollux took hold of your chin tilting it up. Damn him for being taller than you, the bastard. "It's only for two yearth, I'll get a job then I'll come back, right, I'll come back for you"_

_You nod but don't respond, you knew all of this, he had told you this before. _

_"Hey. Don't look tho fucking deprethed, you're making me feel like an athhole..." He grinned down at you and you scoffed. _

_"Leaving or not you're still an asshole." You spat, ignoring his feigned hurt look "Just... Just don't get too attached to the girls in New York..."_

_"Aw, c'mon KK you know you're the prettietht..." _

_You slap his fore-arm "Jackass." you try to growl but you are smirking too, the jerk-off certainly had a way with you. _

_A whistle sounds and your stomach churns, Sollux places a covert hand onto your lower back rubbing gently. "It'th okay..." He tells you for the millionth time "It'th gonna be okay..." _

_"Track #2" Crackles a posh female voice over the loudspeaker "Via New York leaving now, please watch your step and stay behind the yellow line until the train has come to a complete stop..." _

_The metal monster came too fast, in a whirl of gears and puff of steam it's here and Sollux is leaving and thousands of people are pushing him away from you. Towards the thing that will take him away from you. He seizes his suitcase, being pushed towards the doors his eyes betray his distress as he raises a hand in farewell. _

_"Sollux!" _

_You reached out to him, to hold him, to tell him that you would miss him, to make sure that two years from now he would board this train and come back to you. To make sure that the promises he whispered into your ear were not all lies. _

_But he's gone. _

It's gone.

The doors revealed a frazzled looking businessman and nothing more, chugging away into the distance puffing steam into the cold night air.

You can only stare at the space where it once was, eyes filled with rainwater and salt. Head stuffed with cotton and the cold finally seeping into your bones, cold dread filling your heart.

He's not coming...

_"Karkat! Karkat look! I got a reply from that company in New York, they thaid they're looking for people like me. Hard labour." He laughed, giddy almost as he leaned into your window "I'm leaving in February!" _

_"February? This February?" You ask "What about school, aren't you graduating this year?" _

_"Yeah, yeah!" He waved you off "Graduating can wait, thith can't..." He grinned at you "Don't worry, I'll come get you in two yearth. When you are allowed to get out of thith shit hole..." _

_"Go fuck yourself..." You said "I can leave any time I want, I just want to finish school." _

_"Thtill..." He said "In two years, the day you graduate, what is that June 25th? Yeah June 25th I'll come get you. A'right." _

_"Yeah, yeah." You said, trying to look angry but you couldn't, you couldn't be angry when you felt so alone already "A'right." _

_You didn't come._

"You didn't come..."

"Hey now, I've thtill got a minute left."

You freeze, eyes wide you spin around to face the other side of the platform. He is bathed in the streetlight, his hat too wet and his hair hanging down into his face.

"Did you mith me?"

Finding something somewhere in your frozen body you propel yourself forward throwing yourself into his open arms. You slam your fists into his back, gripping his jacket so tight you could rip the fabric.

"You asshole!" You scream "You scared the shit out of me! Idiot! Idiot!" You were hysterical, tears pouring down your face before you could stop them, shaking his roughly. "Why did you do that?! HOW did you do that?!"

Sollux grinned, taking hold of your chin and tipping it up towards him.

"I followed the light." He whispered.

"Bastard..."

He tasted like dirt and salt and cigarettes.

He tasted like the smoke of a train and rain at midnight.

_I've been waiting on a train _

_that'll never come_

_Hiding from the feeling _

_of believing in someone_

_Come on, come on_

_I waited all this time_

_Rob Thomas- Waiting on a Train._

END


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